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ERIC, 31—  SINGLE

 
 

How long have you been single?

Just under a year.

 

What do you like about being single?

I don’t. But I have realized I am at a point in my life where I need to get to know myself a little better and by being single it allows me the freedom to do that. I can get weird.

 

What do you miss about being in a relationship?

There is something fulfilling about being able to express love to someone else. I think that when you do that and your partner has allowed you to do that, it is inherently also reflecting it back towards you. It’s this very positive feedback loop of two people supporting and caring each other.

 

What’s been a challenge about dating?

I had done so little dating up until my last serious relationship, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. So there’s a constant self-doubt of both your value as a date partner and also questions around the dates. Like, why am I getting a drink on a Tuesday? What are we accomplishing here? But the more that I go out and meet people, the less intimidating it is and the more it’s just a drink on a Tuesday.

 

What are you looking for in a partner?

I think I have better identified what I don’t want because I think to find things that I do what you need to be exposed to them and see it in action. I am looking for someone who the capacity to deal with mental health issues in general or depression. I am looking for a partner that recognizes that I am a person and can go through moments that may be tough. It would be ideal to be with someone who has the life experience to see the forest through the trees and step back to put up with my weird business. 

 

If you were to give a piece of advice to singles what would it be?

Men - stop it with the pick up lines. It’s dehumanizing. When you are talking to people online, you are talking to people even if you’re swiping. You’re talking to people who have experienced just as much stuff as you have, if not more. Dating is gaining the opportunity to learn from these people and that’s pretty cool.

 

Any advice for single women?

Even in a city like New York, there are a lot of holdovers for gender conventions, such as who messages who first, or who takes who out on the first date. I think more and more these conventions are irrelevant. Especially for somebody like me who is a bit more introverted and doesn’t feel comfortable intruding, it’s nice to have people approach you or send the first message.