Attachment

Deciphering The Language of Love

Based on attachment research beginning with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1960’s to current research looking at the neuroscience of attachment, it is understood that the love we feel from another person has a profound effect on our physical and emotional health. In fact, MRI studies have found that partners can tolerate pain better when they are holding the hand or even imagining a loved one! Dr. Sue Johnson explains the three attachment styles: secure, insecure-anxious, and insecure-avoidant. While these styles often begin in childhood, they can also be created within an adult romantic relationship. The most common problem that couples face is emotional disconnection. Thus, when a couple is not attuned to one another, they can be insecurely attached, causing partners to behave in ways that are often primal (i.e. fight, flight, or freeze). Emotion focused couples therapy, developed by Dr. Johnson and based on the research on attachment, has been shown to effectively change couples’ attachment styles and brings them from disconnection into a more securely attached and connected relationship.

Sue Johnson

Deciphering The Language of Love

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

We love this book because it is not your typical self-help book full of cliches. Sue Johnson integrates the science and existing body of research explaining our “primal code of attachment.” She describes the development and research of her own therapy model, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), and takes the reader through seven different conversations to have with your partner that is essentially a primer on the 9 steps of EFT. For couples striving for deeper connection in their romantic relationships, the book is helpful in providing exercises, examples of couples that illustrate problems and ways to address them, all the while maintaining an entertaining yet scholarly voice. Given EFT is one of the most successful forms of couples therapy, we highly recommend the book as an effective tool for you and your partner.

Sue Johnson

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Yes It’s Your Parents Fault

If you don’t know about attachment theory, it’s about time. The theory has been rigorously studied and explains the ways our early attachments in childhood influence how we behave as adults. Essentially, we seek relationships that are familiar, even if it goes against our best interest. This article gives a wonderful explanation of what attachment theory is all about, including our different attachment styles, and the possibility of correcting our unhealthy patterns of the past with new healthier relationships.  

Kate Murphy

Yes It’s Your Parents Fault