Marriage

The New Rules of Marriage

While this book is directed for heteronormative couples and the impact that gender norms have on relationships, Terry Real describes essential skills and clinical wisdom that can apply to every relationship. It is one of our top recommended books because it so clearly states what is okay and not okay in a healthy relationship. Most of us are seeking partners that can both be a lifelong lover as well as a companion and we need new rules for this new kind of 21st century relationship. The book is entertaining and Terry Real keeps it real (pun intended). He cuts to the chase and is direct and often confrontational with you, the reader, and his couples that he illustrates in the book: all the while still using humor to soften the blow. The book also provides exercises for you and partner to practice new ways of relating and communicating.

Terry Real

The New Rules of Marriage

Masters of Love: Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To—You Guessed It—Kindness and Generosity

This article starts with a sad but not shocking statistic that only 3 in 10 married couples stay happily married. Most stay unhappily married or divorce. Are we then doomed or is there a recipe for long-term marital happiness? According to research the key to a good marriage is practicing kindness (even in anger), while contempt will spell the end for many couples. How do you do it? Be kind and responsive, don’t automatically assume your partner has negative intentions, and genuinely share in the joy of your partner’s successes. We might add something about sexual intimacy to this list but overall it seems like a good set of relational ingredients to follow.

Emily Esfahani Smith

Masters of Love: Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To—You Guessed It—Kindness and Generosity

Love, Factually: Gerontologist Finds the Formula to a Happy Marriage

Cornell gerontologist Karl Pillemer asked 400 married American seniors to give their advice on love and relationships. Learning to communicate and working as a team were important to sustaining their 30 plus years of marriage. These couples said they treated marriage as an unbreakable, lifelong commitment. When choosing a partner, these couples advised getting to know your partner very well before getting married and choosing someone with the same core values. Sometimes we can be quick to end a relationship when passion fades or tensions arise, and sometimes that’s a good call. However, as these senior couples know, there is hope and the possibility in times of conflict and disconnection.

Cornell University

Love, Factually: Gerontologist Finds the Formula to a Happy Marriage

A New Monogamy? A Fresh Look at Open Marriage

Our ideas about romantic relationships are changing. As Tammy Nelson points out, we live long lives and finding the one  soulmate to fulfill our needs throughout a lifetime is a lot of pressure. Open relationships are not for everyone but they might be for more people than we think and might even be for you. In this article Tammy interviews people about their experience in open relationships, providing a window into the benefits and challenges of a non-monogamous set up. Done right, open relationships are transparent, communicative, and can fulfill desires and needs. Read with an open mind.

Tammy Nelson

A New Monogamy? A Fresh Look at Open Marriage