Esther Perel cautions us to be aware of the language we use when defining our lover’s sexual style. For example, calling your partner “vanilla” not only impacts your future perceptions of them (known as confirmation bias) but also limits the potential for change. Furthermore, if your partner realizes that you think they are vanilla, it could build insecurity and possibly resentment. Labeling limits people’s potential. Share and be curious about what you already appreciate, what excites you, and what turns you off. This is so important because sexual preferences and interests can vary tremendously between people and even with the same person over time. Don’t stigmatize your partner’s sexual style and keep sharing your sexual desires and fantasies with each other.