Spontaneous desire is desire that emerges out of the blue. Spontaneous desire, the primary form of desire experienced by most men, is normally associated with having a higher sex drive. Responsive desire, primarily experienced by women, is desire that emerges in a sexualized or romantic context (e.g. during a hot date). Understanding how people’s desire operates is critical to developing a satisfying sex life. People with responsive desire don’t necessarily have a low sex drive, they just need to get in the mood before their desire emerges. Rather than jumping to conclusions about one’s partner having a low sex drive or being downright sexually incompatible, think about how desire might be operating differently within you and your partner. If your desire is more responsive, our advice is to think about what need from your partner or what you can do yourself to get in the mood.